Category Archives: Eurovision 2012
Hey there, ladies and gents. You are reading the second-last of my bloggy birthday posts on this *insert description of the weather here* Thursday, and this is a post unlike any one I’ve done before. DUH DUH DUUUUUUUUUH!!!!
So, the deal: Eurovision may be a song contest in some respects, but just turning up and belting out your entry without any regard for how you’re lit, who or what is with you, and what you’re wearing (segue into today’s topic alert) is rarely going to be enough to guarantee success. Costumes in particular can have a dramatic effect on the overall appeal of an entry: they can suit a song perfectly or look totally out of place; they can be commendably crazy or just plain distracting; and they can be young and fun or inappropriate and frumpy. I think it’s safe to say we’ve seen all of the above at some point in our lives as ESC freaks (I mean that in the nicest way possible), and so much more.
On that note, I thought I’d take a look back at the contest fashions from the years EBJ has been in action – and not just at the highs and lows, but also the trends that have had artist after artist opting for the same look with varying degrees of success. Cast your critical eye over my selections and let me know below who’s floated your fashion boat over the last five years, and who’s made you wish it had capsized!
Let’s start with the trends…
Everything was all white for the likes of Kuunkuiskajaat (Finland 2010), Sieneke (Netherlands 2010), Magdalena Tul (Poland 2011), Pastora Soler (Spain 2012), Birgit (Estonia 2013) and Tanja (Estonia 2014). For some, it was about elegance and simplicity, while others took the bed-linen look to the next level via rhinestones and more lace than a sixteen-year-old should ever be seen in.
When in doubt, however, going back to black works a treat – and it doesn’t have to be basic! Just check out the statements made by Paula Seling & Ovi (Romania 2010), Christos Mylordos (Cyprus 2011), MayaSar (Bosnia & Herzegovina 2012), Kaliopi (FYR Macedonia 2012), Cezar (Romania 2013) and Mei Finegold (Israel 2014). These guys worked leather, sharp tailoring and plunging necklines into their dark ensembles to make an impression.
Somebody else well aware of the power of black is Lena (Germany 2010 and 2011), who wore an LBD for her winning performance of Satellite and a belted jumpsuit the following year when she represented her country on home ground. The pared-back styling was obviously a good omen for her.
Eurovision is one colourful contest, so when they’re not donning black or white, many artists take on the idea that brighter is better. In the last five years, we’ve seen a veritable rainbow of fabulous (and not so much) frocks from Lucia Pérez (Spain 2011), Suzy (Portugal 2014), Elena Ionescu (Romania 2012), Raquel de Rosario (Spain 2013), Pernilla (Finland 2012), Dana International (Israel 2011), Kati Wolf (Hungary 2011) and Niamh Kavanagh (Ireland 2010) to name just a few.
Fortunately or unfortunately (depending on who we’re talking about) being naked on the Eurovision stage is a no-no. But that didn’t stop Anna Bergendahl (Sweden 2010), Aurela Gaçe (Albania 2011), Emmelie De Forest (Denmark 2013), Zlata Ognevich (Ukraine 2013), Ruth Lorenzo (Spain 2014) and The Tolmachevy Sisters (Russia 2014) from going nude for their respective three minutes – if only in their choices of costume colour scheme.
One of the biggest trends of recent ESC history has been the mullet dress. Party at the front and black tie soiree at the back, unevenly hemmed getups have been rocked by Feminnem (Croatia 2010), Safura (Azerbaijan 2010), Eva Rivas (Armenia 2010), Chanee (Denmark 2010), TWiiNS (Slovakia 2011), Nikki (Azerbaijan 2011), Mika Newton (Ukraine 2011) and Natalie Horler (Germany 2013). Keep ‘em coming, I say. I love the look of what I call ‘the lady-cape’.
When your song calls for a decision one way or the other, and you’re after an air of elegance, it’s time for full lengths all round. We’ve seen more evening gowns at the contest in the last five years than the Miss Universe pageant has (well, maybe…that’s some fierce competition) worn by, for instance, Sofia Nizharadze (Georgia 2010), Filipa Azevedo (Portugal 2010), Evelina Sašenko (Lithuania 2010), Despina Olympiou (Cyprus 2013), Tinkara Kovač (Slovenia 2014) and Dilara Kazimova (Azerbaijan 2014). From sexy and slinky to prom-style poofiness, we’ve witnessed it all.
The boys tend to put a little less effort into their onstage wear, generally speaking. Street clothes have remained from rehearsal to the real thing for Jon Lilygreen and the Islanders (Cyprus 2010), Roman Lob (Germany 2012), Max Jason Mai (Slovakia 2012), Dorians (Armenia 2013), ByeAlex (Hungary 2013) and Firelight (Malta 2014). Whatever makes you feel comfortable, guys…or in Max’s case, whatever slowly falls down as you’re performing so that you end up a millimetre away from giving Eurovision an X-rating.
But wait – the men-folk can bring it in the formal stakes too. Sometimes a suit is the best option, whether sharp and suave complete with tie, or more casual without. Just ask Didrik Solli-Tangen (Norway 2010), Harel Skaat (Israel 2010), Engelbert Humperdinck (UK 2012), Kurt Calleja (Malta 2012), Eythor Ingi (Iceland 2013), Marco Mengoni (Italy 2013), Axel Hirsoux (Belgium 2014) or Basim (Denmark 2014). NOTE: Basim also answers to the name ‘Harry Highpants’.
A big trend over the years has understandably been anything shiny or metallic. If you can’t go OTT at the ESC, something is very wrong. For 3+2 (Belarus 2010), Stella Mwangi (2011), Maja Keuc (Slovenia 2011), Anggun (France 2012), Nina Zilli (Italy 2012), Jedward (Ireland 2012), Conchita Wurst (Austria 2014) and Molly (UK 2014) all that glittered was gold, silver and bronze. I can’t confirm that no sheet metal or tinfoil was harmed in the making of these costumes.
For those less keen on blinding the audience with reflective materials, and more interested in emphasising ethnicity, there’s been the option of something traditional. Whether it’s been a hybrid of old and new á la Ansambel Žlindra (Slovenia 2010) and Cleo and the Slavic girls (Poland 2014), or a totally trad look from the likes of Buranovskiye Babushki (Russia 2012) and Klapa s Mora (Croatia 2013), it’s always been nice to see on stage.
Last but not least, there’s always a place for costumes that look less like clothing and more like creative craft projects for which the only guideline was ‘you’re only limited by your imagination!’. Since 2010, we’ve had: Alyosha (Ukraine 2010) in the contents of her grandma’s knitting box; Olia Tira (Moldova 2010) and Vilija (Lithuania 2014) taking tutus out of the ballet studio; Sofi Marinova (Bulgaria 2012) and Rona Nishliu (Albania 2012) getting architectural with pleather (and a dreadlock); Eldrine (Georgia 2011) practicing their quilling skills on a bin liner; Eva Boto (Slovenia 2012) cultivating a cottage garden on her gown; Gaitana (Ukraine 2012) sponsoring Shamwow by wearing one; and Moje 3 (Serbia 2013) in the inexplicable. Some of these experiments paid off and some didn’t, but I applaud all of the creativity.
And now…my five most stylish moments in EBJ history (and remember, this is veeeery subjective):
Maja Keuc (Slovenia 2011) – Who would have anticipated that modeling yourself after an intergalactic stripper would prove to be so hot, hot, hot? In her metal-plated, fringed bodycon with thigh-high platform boots and matching fingerless gloves (naturally), Maja looked UH-MAY-ZING. With emphasis on the ZING.
Margaret Berger (Norway 2013) – It is still TBC whether M. Berg was dressing up as a contemporary Nordic version of Princess Leia, but it’s obvious to everyone that she nailed the ice princess look. Both she and Birgit opted for long white dresses with added bling last year, but the then mum-to-be got out-fashioned in this instance.
Getter Jaani (Estonia 2011) – Cute, colourful and coordinated with the backing peeps? Check, check and check. Getter’s dress was bright and bold but not distracting, with just enough quirk and fun to perfectly suit it to Rockefeller Street. Plus, she could sit down and/or eat in it without splitting the material, unlike (I should imagine) Maja or Margaret.
Anggun (France 2012) – I have frequent fantasies in which I get to parade around in a gold leotard with miles of chiffon fanning out from the back in a glamorous manner. Of course, without Anggun’s stunning figure and ability to stay upright in stilettos, I’d be less likely to parade than fall flat on my face and swear my head off. But luckily for her, Anggun had the poise required to pull off this striking look.
Alyona Lanskaya (Belarus 2013) – Her song left a lot to be desired in terms of originality and English pronunciation, but Alyona looked like the tinsel-covered fairy off the top of a Christmas tree in her blue and silver fringed number (a good thing IMO). Fierce and festive. I award extra points for the backing singers’ ombre outfits, also with fringe. See, it’s not just for cowboys!
Going now from wonderful to ‘WTF?!?’, here are my five worst style moments of the EBJ era:
Daria Kinzer (Croatia 2011) – Tall, blonde and beautiful Daria had not one, not two, but three dresses on during her performance…and somehow, they were all hideous. I’d say they got worse as they went along, but the pink monstrosity in the middle that looked like a child’s party dress gone wrong was the most fug by far.
Dana International (Israel 2011) – Back in 1998, she was a woman who rocked feathers like no other and looked fabulous doing it. Then Dana goes and wears a shredded outdoor chair cover for what was supposed to be a triumphant return to the contest! Whaaa?!? I think John Paul Gaultier lost his touch after the 90s. Just look at what he dressed Petra Mede in for her hosting duties in Malmö…
Blue (UK 2011) – They’re called Blue, and they wore blue. We get it, it’s hilarious, blah blah blah. But when four attractive men ruin a great song with aesthetics alone (lighting and giant heads included) it’s hard to see the funny side. Shiny suits are a risk that didn’t pay off on this occasion. Not even making Simon go sleeveless in the hope we’d all be too focused on his biceps to notice anything else helped.
Moje 3 (Serbia 2013) – It’s too complicated to explain why here, but I lay 95% of the blame for Serbia’s failure to qualify last year on these outfits. These were like ice-cream sundaes with all 31 of Baskin Robbins’ flavours and available toppings included – i.e. way overdone. They also made the angel/devil dynamic virtually impossible to detect.
Aisha (Latvia 2010) – It’s been four years and I’m still trying to figure out why Aisha wore her dressing gown on stage. You’d think someone would have told her backstage that she’d forgotten to put on her actual costume. How embarrassing!
And finally, what would Eurovision be without the odd costume reveal? These are my five favourites, 2010-2014:
3 + 2 (Belarus 2010) – I for one never saw those butterfly wings coming. Well, not at the semi-final stage. Still, if ever there was a moment in a song that screamed ‘INSERT COSTUME REVEAL HERE!’ it was that key change, and Belarus did not let that pass by.
Aliona Moon (Moldova 2013) – I’m not referring to how Moldova made Azerbaijan’s dress-projection abilities of Baku look amateur, although that was spectacular. The costume reveal in this case was that Aliona could have worn stilts and still had enough material in her skirt to cover them, as seen when she was raised up high enough to look down on Ukraine’s towering Igor.
InCulto (Lithuania 2010) – Because sequinned hotpants.
Daria Kinzer (Croatia 2011) – Yeah, the dresses were rank, but the way she got in and out of them was impressive. If I could get changed that fast, I’d actually be on time for a change, so long as I didn’t choke to death on the confetti or cloud of smoke.
Alex Sparrow (Russia 2011) – All those in favour of light-up leather jackets, say ‘OMG YAAAASSSS!’. I’m going to assume you all said it, ‘cause who wouldn’t want to own something that not only keeps you warm, but also lets people know what letter your name begins with? You’ll also come in handy in a power outage if you get one. What are you waiting for?
So that pretty much sums up who wore what, and when. It also serves as proof that I disagree with the majority of Barbara Dex Award winners of recent history (don’t even get me STARTED on 1997-2009). If you have a disagreement re: the Eurofashion I’ve mentioned, now’s your chance to get it off your chest. Whether you thought something was good, bad, ugly, or situated in a very confusing place in-between, I want your opinion. What’s your favourite costume trend? Who got their look right and who failed to flatter their figure? Spill, guys!
NEXT TIME: With Junior Eurovision on the horizon, it’s only fitting that my final fifth birthday post should reveal my top 10 JESC entries since this blog got going. That’s a warning for all of you who are anti-JESC to steer clear for a while…
Before I had a looksee at my play stats of the Baku 42, I had zero expectations. What with my ever-changing moods and the bias my iPod seems to have towards particular songs when it’s on shuffle mode (I swear those things have minds of their own and will one day rise up and take control of planet Earth) there was no guarantee that the entries I rated the highest a year ago would make equally high appearances on this list. It turns out that, while some of them clawed their way up, songs that I didn’t realise I had a penchant for bumped others way down. I’ll let you decide which are which, as I present to you the 20 entries of 2012 that I’ve listened to most since May.
#1 | Love Unlimited by Sofi Marinova
If you happened to be drinking when you read this, I apologise for the liquid you just spat out all over yourself in shock and/or horror. Then again, if you’ve read me before you should know that I am probably the #1 fan of this song, worldwide. I don’t think Sofi herself loves it as much as I do (although she has had to sing it a billion times, so the boredom must have set in by now). So why have I played it more times than any other of the 2012 entries? Well, I just think it’s incredibly catchy (great to dance wildly to in the comfort of any place where there are no other humans present), I love the mixed languages in the chorus (great for singing along to in the same situation) and I find it super motivating (great for jogging to, etc). What a useful song it is.
#2 | Waterline by Jedward
#3 | Euphoria by Loreen
#4 | Zaleilah by Mandinga
#5 | Kuula by Ott Lepland
#6 | När Jag Blundar by Pernilla Karlsson
I want to compare this to Hungary ’13, being the simple, quiet and pretty but not too well-liked song that it is, that I and a few others I know LOVE. But Kedvesem has actually proved itself more popular than I expected, so you’re on your own, Pernilla. I think this song is really beautiful, well constructed and has a lovely sentiment (having been written by Pernilla’s brother for their mother and all). It gets me all misty-eyed even though I have no idea what she’s singing about because I never bothered to translate the lyrics #mybad. But they say music is the universal language, so if I can get the emotion without knowing what’s being said, that’s acceptable, right?
#7 | Love Me Back by Can Bonomo
#8 | Aphrodisiac by Eleftheria Eleftheriou
#9 | Verjamem by Eva Boto
#10 | Be My Guest by Gaitana
#11 | La La Love by Ivi Adamou
Here’s a song I didn’t think douze-worthy at first, but have gotten more and more obsessed with over the last year. It’s a good thing we’ll have this genuine Cypriot gem and the awesome stage show that accompanied it to cling on to while Despina Olympiou takes to the Malmö stage and bores us all to death (more on that in my upcoming reviews). La La Love wound up 16th in the final, which is an excellent result for Cyprus (it’s practically a win, like it would be for Austria, Switzerland, and co) although once it had qualified I was predicting it to do better. Maybe Ivi’s average vocal was to blame; though that didn’t stop Eric Saade from coming 3rd…
#12 | Quédate Conmigo by Pastora Soler
#13 | Standing Still by Roman Lob
#14 | Woki Mit Deim Popo by Trackshittaz
#15 | Nije Ljubav Stvar by Željko Joksimović
#16 | Sound Of Our Hearts by Compact Disco
#17 | We Are The Heroes by Litesound
This, even in its post-NF disco-lite version, is SO much better than the tropical trash (albeit damn catchy tropical trash) Belarus are sending this year. The unfortunate thing is that Alyona will likely be much more successful than Litesound, and then she’ll knock on their doors and point and laugh at them because they “stole” her ticket to Eurovision 2012 and she’ll have gotten her revenge. Or perhaps not. Anyway, back to We Are The Heroes: another song written expressly to motivate me when I’m on the treadmill and this close to bailing. Thanks, guys.
#18 | Nebo by Nina Badrić
#19 | Laŭtar by Pasha Parfeny
#20 | When The Music Dies by Sabina Babayeva
Rounding out my most-played list is Baku’s host entry. I have long suspected that Sabs was referring to Running Scared as the thing that made the music die. But that’s irrelevant. This isn’t my favourite entry from Azerbaijan, but it’s one I’m still liking all these months later. I didn’t think it was going to do as well as it did, but I think we’ve all learnt that the power of Azerbaijan-representing, Swedish-penned ballads cannot be underestimated.
I’ve showed you mine – show me yours? Which entries of last year have you been playing on repeat?
I don’t know about you, but I personally don’t think us grown-ups get enough opportunities to do childish things, unless we happen to work in a daycare centre (which would be fine by me if there was no kids involved). So for all of you who, like me, spend too much time wishing it was socially acceptable for a twenty-something to finger paint, hula hoop and watch movies starring Hilary Duff, I’ve put together this thought-provoking, Baku-themed quiz…complete with FILL-IN-THE-BLANKS GAMES *insert squeals here*!
This isn’t the first quiz I’ve posted, but I’d like to think this is the hardest (even if it really isn’t). It’s more a test of your memory than anything else, so if you’ve watched the contest a few times over the past year and/or read my Flashbaku recap last week, you should do alright. Not that it matters if you don’t, since there’s nothing up for grabs and nobody will be there to see you succeed or fail. Winning.
So, the only “rules” are:
– All facts have been checked to the best of my ability, and all lyrics have been verified via the official 2012 fan book. If you do spot a mistake, feel free to pick me up on it, but be nice, because it’s nice to be nice to the nice.
– You can find the answers at the bottom of the post. If you decide to cheat, fine, but be warned: Dana International WILL hunt you down and make you walk up the main street of your town wearing her feathered Gaultier.
– Let me know how you did in the comments. I managed to get 100%, but I’m guessing being the person who came up with the Qs and As had something to do with that.
Without further ado, I want to know…
a) Macedonia’s Kaliopi failed to pass the pre-qualifying round of a previous ESC with her song Samo Ti. In which year did this take place?
b) What is the real name of Max Jason Mai from Slovakia?
c) What about Donny Montell from Lithuania?
d) Željko Joksimović took to the ESC stage for the second time as composer/artist in Baku. He represented Serbia; but how many other countries has Željko composed a Eurovision song for?
e) Eventual winner Loreen had attempted to represent Sweden in 2011 via Melodifestivalen. What was her entry called?
f) How old was Rona Nishliu when she stepped onstage last year – 25, 28 or 32?
g) Which TV talent show did Ott Lepland win in his home country in 2009?
h) Which member of Pernilla Karlsson’s family wrote her entry När Jag Blundar?
i) What did Buranovskiye Babushki want to do with any proceeds from entering Eurovision?
j) Elena Ionescu fronted Mandinga in Baku. Which past Romanian representative used to be the lead vocalist of the group?
k) Which 2012 artist was once a member of the Sunstroke Project, who represented Moldova in Oslo?
l) Jedward are not known for their conservative clothing. Which snack food did they dress up as during rehearsal week?
m) Who did Roman Lob beat in the Unser Star Für Baku final to win his ticket to Eurovision?
n) Which artist purposely performed without an earpiece during her semi-final?
Unscramble these artist names:
b) IRNA OHDKAZEJ
d) CAMPCOT SOCID
f) HAAPS FREAPNY
g) NCA MOONBO
Fill in the blanks of these titles:
a) N_ _ _ _ _ u _ _ _ _ t _ _ r
b) _ h _ _ _ d’_ _ _ _ _ _ _ B_ _ _e_
c) _ _ h_ (_ _ _ _ n _ _)
d) E_ r _ _ _ _ r_
e) _ _h_ _ _ i_i_ _
f) _ _ _ la
What is the first line of lyrics in each of these songs?
a) Beautiful Song by Anmary
b) The Social Network Song by Valentina Monetta
c) You And Me by Joan Franka
d) Euphoria by Loreen
e) L’amore é Femmina by Nina Zilli
f) When The Music Dies by Sabina Babayeva
g) Would You? by Iris
And which songs do these first lines belong to?
a) ‘You can do anything you want’
b) ‘The whole big world is just one place’
c) ‘I hear music as I walk down the street’
d) ‘When the day becomes the night, you know that I’ll think of you’
e) ‘So graceful and pure, a smile bathed in light’
f) ‘When the night is falling from the sky’
g) ‘She’s singing softly in the night’
h) ‘At the wedding tonight she looks nicer than the bride’
What do these titles translate to in English?
b) Korake Ti Znam
d) Quédate Conmigo
e) Crno I Belo
f) Vida Minha
THE SHOWS AND THE RESULTS
a) What are the full names of the three hosts?
b) Name the previous contest winners who supplied the interval act of semi 2 – in order of appearance.
c) Which country was the last to be announced as a qualifier in semi 1?
d) What about semi 2?
e) Which former Eurovision hostess could be seen in the green room on Thursday and Saturday nights, providing moral support for her husband?
f) How many lots of douze points did Loreen receive in the final?
Which countries did these props belong to?
a) A bench made of books
b) A laptop computer
c) Pole-dance poles
d) A water fountain
e) A pizza oven
a) Opened the first semi final?
b) Closed the first semi final?
c) Opened the second semi final?
d) Closed the second semi final?
e) Opened the final?
f) Closed the final?
g) Won the first semi final?
h) Lost the first semi final?
i) Won the second semi final?
j) Lost the second semi final?
k) Drew the dreaded slot 2 in the final?
You know who won (and lost) but do you remember, on the final scoreboard, which country came…
Congratulations (as Cliff Richard would say if he wasn’t currently in the toilet)! You’ve made it to le end of le quiz. Now it’s time to see how you did.
Random trivia: a) 1996 b) Miroslav Šmajda c) Donatas Montvydas d) 2, technically – Bosnia & Herzegovina and Serbia & Montenegro e) My Heart Is Refusing Me f) 25 g) Eesti Otsib Superstaari, or Estonian Idol h) Her brother i) Build a church in their village j) Elena Gheorghe k) Pasha Parfeny l) Popcorn m) Ornella de Santis n) Sofi Marinova
Unscramble: a) Trackshittaz b) Anri Jokhadze c) Sinplus d) Compact Disco e) Anmary f) Pasha Parfeny g) Can Bonomo h) Gaitana
Fill in the blanks: a) Nije Ljubav Stvar b) Should’ve Known Better c) Echo (You and I) d) Euro Neuro e) Aphrodisiac f) Kuula
First lines: a) ‘I was born in distant 1980’ b) ‘Are you ready for a little chat?’ c) ‘I was five, you were three, we were dancing in the street’ d) ‘Why, why can’t this moment last forever more?’ e) ‘Unbelievable, I can’t wait to go’ f) ‘You, you are my best friend’ g) ‘Come and find me, I’ve been hiding from you’
First line, which song: a) Unbreakable b) Sound of Our Hearts c) Stay d) Love Is Blind e) Love Will Set You Free f) We Are The Heroes g) Never Forget h) Laŭtar
Title translations: a) Personal b) I know your steps c) Listen d) Stay with me e) Black and white f) Life of mine g) I believe
The Shows and The Results
Random trivia: a) Leila Aliyeva, Nargiz Birk-Petersen and Eldar Gasimov b) Dima Bilan, Marija Šerifović, Alexander Rybak, Lena, Ell & Nikki c) Ireland d) Turkey e) Jovana Janković f) 18
Props: a) Cyprus b) San Marino c) Austria d) Ireland e) Russia
Which country: a) Montenegro b) Ireland c) Serbia d) Lithuania e) United Kingdom f) Moldova g) Russia h) Austria i) Sweden j) Slovakia k) Hungary
Final scoreboard: a) Azerbaijan b) Estonia c) Moldova d) Cyprus e) France f) Hungary
So, ladies and gents…how well DID you remember Baku??
Not that there’s anything shameful about having a lookalike. In fact, if I had one I’d be honoured. But apart from my nose bearing a slight resemblance to Roberto Bellarosa’s from the right (or wrong) angle, I’m yet to stumble upon my sister from another mister. So it’s lucky I can at least live vicariously through the doppelgangers that abound in the ESC.
Having kicked off my Flashbaku series last week (with a side-splitting recap of the 2012 contest which you simply MUST read if you missed it then…pretty please?) this particular exposé of long-lost twins is naturally centered on the 42 artists who competed in Azerbaijan. There are a few included here you may remember from previous posts, or just your own observations, but the rest are brand new. Give or take a few years and/or cosmetic procedures, and these resemblances are uncanny. Kind of.
Albania’s Rona Nishliu looks like animated Snow White’s Wicked Queen
I’ll admit, I didn’t notice this resemblance until the collective Twitterverse saw fit to point it out about 0.35 seconds after Rona had opened her mouth to sing (I guess I was distracted by that errant dreadlock). But there was definitely something about her unique look that screamed ‘villainous Disney bitch not only willing, but eager, to off you and eat your heart if you happen to be prettier than she is’.
Bosnia & Herzegovina’s MayaSar looks like Australian media personality Mia Freedman
Coincidentally (or maybe not?) Maya also settled on a witchy, evil queeny-type outfit for her Eurovision performance. But when the dangerously pointed shoulder pads are nowhere to be seen, I reckon she could play Mia’s sister in a heartwarming telemovie in which one of them can’t get pregnant and the other offers to be her surrogate. Just as an example.
Cyprus’ Ivi Adamou looks like American actress Liv Tyler
Here’s one you’ve seen before; but in my opinion, there are never enough occasions on which one can say how much Ivi and Liv look like they were separated at birth. Even their first names are similar. And Ivi being Steven Tyler’s secret daughter would explain where her musical genes came from.
Estonia’s Ott Lepland looks like UK singer and X Factor judge Gary Barlow
Matching suits, facial hair, intense browlines and brands of hair gel? What more proof do you need that these two share a resemblance? I bet a morning hasn’t gone by since Baku when Gary didn’t roll out of bed, go to the bathroom to brush his teeth, see his reflection in the mirror and think to himself, ‘My God, I look a little bit like Estonia’s own Ott Lepland!’.
Greece’s Eleftheria Eleftheriou looks like former ESC hostess Maria Menounos
There’s nothing better than an inter-ESC pair of lookalikes, and to top this one off, they’re both part Greek. Maria stood alongside/flirted with Sakis Rouvas as co-compere of the 2006 contest, and Eleftheria stood alongside/probably flirted with him when she participated in Greece’s X Factor a few years ago. So it’s not just appearances that these two have in common.
Hostess Leyla Aliyeva looks like Spanish actress Penelope Crúz
Let’s face it, the only difference between Leyla and Pene is that, to my knowledge, Leyla has never cavorted around on a pirate ship with Johnny Depp. Unfortunately for her. They clearly go to the same hairdresser and dress for formal events with funerals in mind.
Iceland’s Jónsi looks like Frankenstein’s monster
I never thought I’d be comparing the chiseled magnificence of Jónsi to something made up of multiple people’s body parts, but that monster of Dr. Frankenstein’s has got some serious cheekbones on him. The likeness doesn’t stop there, however – check out the mouth, and that intense brow (again with intense brows!) AND the stiff tailoring of the suits. Don’t worry Jónsi. If you were in fact stitched together by a crazed GP then he sure chose some good-lookin’ bits to work with.
Moldova’s Pasha Parfeny looks like Irish actor Colin Farrell
This pairing rivals Ivi and Liv’s (Livi’s?) as the most striking of 2012. I can’t even say for certain that Pasha and Colin aren’t one and the same, especially since Colin is a big fan of the ladies and Pasha appeared on stage with the entire female population of Moldova. We haven’t heard much from the Irishman lately…could that be because he’s been busy composing and playing piano for Aliona Moon?
Russia’s Buranovskiye Babushki look like this set of matryoshka dolls
I bet you didn’t see this coming. NOT. We’ve all thought it – does the teeniest Russian granny fit inside the next size up, and so on? Did they only take up one plane seat on their flight to Baku because of this? Maybe we’ll never know. The grannies are 100% as cute as these wooden creations though, and much more huggable.
Slovakia’s Max Jason Mai looks like US talk-show host Chelsea Handler
Since MJM is a guy in his twenties and Chelsea is an almost-forty-year-old woman, this is more a case of the possibility that she’s his mother than anything else. They both have trademark blonde locks, although I’d have to say that Max’s are more impressive. Chelsea does tend to wear more clothing on a regular basis, but apart from that, they could totally be related.
Sweden’s Loreen looks like Canadian model/actress Hannah Simone
Yeah, I know it’s the hair. I think we can all agree though, that there are a heck of a lot of people who look less like Loreen than Hannah does, and that’s got to count for something.
Switzerland’s Ivan Broggini looks like American actor Eric Mabius
I could have cheated and put the frontman of Sinplus next to a photo of his brother Gabriel, but I wanted to put in a bit more effort than that for you guys (plus, they don’t even look very similar). Strip away the differing hair and eye colour – as well as a whole bunch of other stuff – and you’ll see the similarities here. I hope…
Did any of these have you seeing double? Which doppelgangers did you spot in the class of 2012?
Can anybody believe it’s been almost a year since Baku?
I’m definitely having issues getting my head around it. One minute I’m all excited for the next installment of Eurovision amazingness – making stuff to wave over the three nights and contemplating baking a Swedish-themed layer cake to mark the occasion. The next, I’m having a panic attack about where the last 11 months have gone, and contemplating inventing a device to stop time instead of baking some stupid cake. It’s a little confusing. What is for certain is that Malmö is heading straight for us, whether we like it or not. Ultimately, that’s a very good thing!
Before the thirty-something days until the first semi are up, I figured it would make sense to go back in time (not literally…I haven’t invented a device for that yet) and remind everybody what went down in the Crystal Hall last May. I’m going to do this via a series of posts known as Flashbakus (see what I did there?) and this first episode is an overview of the Azerbaijani action made possible by Ell & Nikki…and Azerbaijan’s ability to do so well in the contest despite sometimes having an, ahem, average entry. So sit back, relax, and take a trip down memory lane feat. stats, facts and some of my personal highlights from the most easterly ESC of all time.
When 22nd, 24th and 26th May, 2012
Where Baku Crystal Hall, Baku, Azerbaijan
Motto ‘Light your fire!’
Broadcaster İctimai Television
Hosts Leyla Aliyeva, Eldar Gasimov & Nargiz Birk-Petersen
Returnees 1 – Montenegro
Withdrawals 2 – Armenia, Poland
SEMI FINAL 1
Interval act Natig Rhythm Group
– Albania: This was the first performance to give me goosebumps, which I really wasn’t expecting as I wasn’t a big Suus-aholic at that point. But you can never anticipate which entries will blow you away live, a la Ukraine 2010.
– Romania: Watching Mandinga’s tangerine queen Elena struggle as her earpiece failed her was both cringe-worthy and highly amusing. Fortunately, apart from a few timing issues she pulled off a decent vocal, so kudos to her for that. I also enjoyed the 2012 version of Epic Sax Guy – the Moonwalking Bagpiper.
– San Marino: Yes, I admit it. I enjoyed this performance more than I thought I would and more than I knew I should. It helped that Valentina could actually sing (and she’s getting the chance to showcase her voice in all seriousness this year) but really, anything would have been an improvement on the music video *shudder*.
– Cyprus: And I thought the Cypriots brought their A-game in Düsseldorf! Ivi and her gal pals totally outdid Greece in every department last year, which is not the norm. Costume, choreography, lighting and props all deserved…well, props.
– Russia: Oh, those grannies and their pizza oven! This was the act everyone was waiting for, and I for one was not disappointed. The BB gave us that promised party for everybody, as well as a midnight snack (the show had to be held later than usual thanks to Azerbaijan being über east, so thank you Russia for the sustenance).
– Ireland: I’d consider Jedward’s performance of Waterline relaxed compared to the ‘we’ve been living on red cordial for the last six months’ vibe of Lipstick. What I liked most was watching the twins’ perfectly primped hairdos be destroyed by the water fountain they carted across the continent with them. Although giving them a good scare by announcing them as the lucky last qualifiers was pretty priceless.
1. Russia 152
2. Albania 146
3. Romania 120
4. Greece 116
5. Moldova 100
6. Ireland 92
7. Cyprus 91
8. Iceland 75
9. Denmark 63
10. Hungary 52
– Greece made their ninth consecutive final, whilst Cyprus qualified from a semi for only the third time since 2004.
– Hungary qualified for the second year running, having returned to the contest in 2011 following several failed attempts.
– Switzerland, on 45, and Finland, on 41, missed out on qualifying by a Nishliu dreadlock.
– Austria lost the first semi, only getting 8 points’ worth of popos shaking.
SEMI FINAL 2
Interval act (A rather horrifying) winner’s medley
– Serbia: My beloved Željko back on an ESC stage once again? Of course that would be a personal highlight! His opening of the second semi with the atmospheric Balkan ballad (how unexpected) Nije Ljubav Stvar more than compensated for Montenegro’s, shall we say, unusual opener in the first.
– Macedonia: I kind of fell in love with Kaliopi during Eurovision week. Not only is she apparently the nicest person on Earth, but she’s a great performer too – as we saw on this Thursday night. It was a simple presentation from FYROM, but the lady rocked the house.
– Sweden: As is usual with Sweden, nothing had changed performance-wise since Melodifestivalen. Did anyone care? I don’t think so. The crowd was buzzing (with euphoria, perhaps?) as the lights went all laser on us before the camera closed in on Loreen, the woman of the moment. What followed was an act staged like no other in the history of forever/the contest.
– Turkey: They made a ship. Out of their COSTUMES. TWICE! Is that not one of the most amazing things that has ever happened?
– Estonia: Naturally I appreciated the opportunity to stare at my future husband for three whole minutes, while he sang his little heart out. Again, this performance was a simple one (with an exceptional selection of background images, I must say), all about the song and the emotion. And me drooling over my TV screen #pathetic.
– Lithuania: If there was ever a one-man show, its name is Donny Montell. Well, its stage name, anyway. The man sings, dances, wears blindfolds, plays air guitar, and does all of them brilliantly. Well, he doesn’t look entirely normal in a blindfold, but who does?
1. Sweden 181
2. Serbia 159
3. Lithuania 104
4. Estonia 100
5. Turkey 80
6. Bosnia & Herzegovina 77
7. Malta 70
8. Ukraine 64
9. Macedonia 53
10. Norway 45
– Sweden won the second semi for the second year running.
– Macedonia reached the final for the first time since 2007.
– Norway just squeezed into the top 10 ahead of Bulgaria, who also scored 45 points.
– Slovakia brought up the rear this time, suggesting that no amount of exposed flesh can guarantee one a good result.
THE GRAND FINAL
Opened United Kingdom
Interval act Emin, chewing gum and performing Never Enough
– France: The French gymnastics team figured Eurovision was as good a place as any to get in some Olympics practice, and I agree. John-Paul Gaultier decided that stapling an entire roll of chiffon to the back of Anggun’s leotard was better than a mere few metres, and I double agree. That costume + a decent wind machine = a match made in Eurovision heaven.
– Azerbaijan: I don’t think the last-minute addition of ethnicity was a good idea, but that dress – you know, that dress – certainly was. It was a clever “prop” that struck a balance between ‘not exciting enough’ and ‘so exciting I’m distracted’. It must have caught on, because I’ve seen it done a few times since.
– Spain: This was the performance of the final as far as I’m concerned. Pastora delivered a faultless vocal that genuinely made the hairs stand up on the back of my neck (I’m telling you, I looked like a hedgehog) and when she launched into her epic note and the artificial breeze kicked in, there were tears in my eyes.
- Sweden 372
- Russia 259
- Serbia 214
- Azerbaijan 150
- Albania 146
- Estonia 120
- Turkey 112
- Germany 110
- Italy 101
- Spain 97
- Moldova 81
- Romania 71
- Macedonia 71
- Lithuania 70
- Ukraine 65
- Cyprus 65
- Greece 64
- Bosnia & Herzegovina 55
- Ireland 46
- Iceland 46
- Malta 41
- France 21
- Denmark 21
- Hungary 19
- United Kingdom 12
- Norway 7
– Sweden’s was a record-breaking win: Loreen out-douzed Alexander Rybak in being ranked first by 18 countries. Rybak scored 16 sets of douze points. What a loser.
– The honour of twelve points did not come easily to the other 25 participants. Coming a very distant second to Sweden in those stakes was Albania, Azerbaijan and Serbia, all receiving four sets of douze.
– Three Big countries, as well as host country Azerbaijan, made the top 10. Germany’s 8th place was their third top 10 finish in a row; not bad for a country that had struggled not to come last in the years BL (Before Lena).
– Spain’s 10th place marked their first top 10 appearance since 2004, when they also came 10th. Pastora Soler scored ten more points than Ramón did in Istanbul.
– Albania secured their best result ever, and after failing to qualify in Oslo and a disappointing showing in Düsseldorf, Estonia was back on form in 6th place. Their previous Estonian-language entry had also finished 6th.
– Ukraine’s recent results have been impressive – 7th in 2006, 2nd in 2007 and 2008, 10th in 2010 and 4th in 2011. But last year’s 15th was proof that they’re not invincible (and possibly that Europe disliked Gaitana’s floral and fringe combo just as much as I did).
– The same goes for Greece, with 2012 being their first finish outside of the top 10 since 2003.
– The UK was the lowest ranked Big country, only outscoring Norway (and I’m still not over it). Sending a household name with a less than contemporary ballad did not pay off, but at least they’ve learnt from that mistake going in to Malmö. Oh wait…
I realise now that it may have taken you longer to read this recap than go back and watch both semis and the final again, but, hey, you could have given up if you wanted to. Now that I think of it, maybe you should go back and watch the show again if you need to, then let me know below what you loved, hated, and were shocked and surprised by in Baku. We all need the practice, since we’ll soon be doing the exact same thing for Eurovision 2013.
COMING UP: If you thought I couldn’t possibly find any more ESC lookalikes, you were wrong! The Flashbaku doppelgangers will have you seeing double. Then, my longest and most difficult quiz EVER rears its head, in an Azerbaijan-tastic test of your Eurovision 2012 knowledge.
Pitting two Eurovision songs against each other to determine which is the best for no particular reason is such an original idea, said NO ONE EVER. But that won’t stop me from inflicting my own version on you poor, unsuspecting readers. Muahahaha!
What makes my version different (to some of the others, maybe) is that each round will have a theme – for example, songs by the same artist – to make things more interesting (again, maybe). I’ll be picking my personal winners, justifying those decisions, and then asking you to discuss my taste or lack thereof in the comments. Now if that isn’t fun, I don’t know what is.
Soon I’ll be launching a series of posts that recap Baku, so today’s debut round of song battles is aptly pitting a bunch of last year’s entries against their counterparts of 2013. From Azerbaijan to Croatia and Norway to the UK, which countries are sending better songs to the ESC this time around? Check out my thoughts, then leave your own below.
Azerbaijan’s When The Music Dies by Sabina Babayeva VS Hold Me by Farid Mammadov
Still flabbergasted by Ell & Nikki’s win in 2011 (let’s just say I was never an active member of the ‘I ❤ Running Scared’ fan club) I managed to get on board with what Azerbaijan put forward as host country last year. Heck, I wasn’t just on board – I was cartwheeling up and down the deck and making a general nuisance of myself. But I just don’t see the winning potential in Hold Me, which means it’ll probably go on and win.
Albania’s Suus by Rona Nishliu VS Identitet by Adrian & Bledar
I think I’ve droned on about Rona on enough occasions for you guys to know I love her. But there’s always room for more droning, as far as I’m concerned! Suus is a very original and very emotional song, and with her crazy vocals it was magic on stage. Having said that, Identitet has grown on me, and I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I’m glad it didn’t get disqualified.
Belarus’ We Are The Heroes by Litesound VS Solayoh by Alyona Lanskaya
Neither of these were originally supposed to go to Eurovision (let’s all have a slow clap for the trustworthy Belarusian NF system, shall we?) and of course, it was Alyona who was sent packing – or not, rather – in favour of cheat-free Litesound. In 2012, this was a blessing, but in 2013 I was not amused. That’s why WATH is my pick of this battle, whether in its initial rock form or post-remix disco version.
Bulgaria’s Love Unlimited by Sofi Marinova VS Samo Shampioni by Elitsa & Stoyan
Sofi and Elitsa are both women with voices of an acquired taste (unless you are instantly attracted to high-pitched shrieking) but the infectious, language-stuffed Love Unlimited trumps in the song department. I thought that was one of Bulgaria’s best ever entries, and as it just missed out on qualifying, it seems I wasn’t the only one.
Croatia’s Nebo by Nina Badrić VS Mižerja by Klapa s Mora
Hi. My name’s Jaz and I am the only person I know who liked Croatia’s entry last year (but don’t worry, I did NOT like Nina’s dress/trash bag. I have some standards). What can I say? I enjoy any song with bells in the background. Ding dong.
Germany’s Standing Still by Roman Lob VS Glorious by Cascada
This is really a matter of subtlety versus in-your-face, and for me, in-your-face wins. I can’t help shaking my thing to Glorious, and it’s one of the songs I’m most excited to see live at Eurovision (‘live’ in this case meaning ‘on TV’). Standing Still is a nice song and I think Germany deserved its top 10 placing in Baku, but I need more ‘oomph’ to be 110% satisfied.
Hungary’s Sound of Our Hearts by Compact Disco VS Kedvesem by ByeAlex
Hungary haven’t scored as well as they should have over the last few years IMO, and I have a feeling it’s going to happen again with ByeAlex’s absolute gem of a song. I take back what I said just then about ‘oomph’ in this case, because this is a simple but stunning song. I love Hungarian to bits as a musical language.
Italy’s L’amore É Femmina by Nina Zilli VS L’ezzenziale by Marco Mengoni
The Italy we see at the ESC is always classy, and I don’t think you could ever call one of their entries outright bad. I’m fond of Nina’s retro Italinglish number, but I’m head over heels for Marco. Er, I mean, L’essenziale. There’s something about Italian ballads that gets to me, and I think this is the best of the songs Italy has sent since their comeback.
Norway’s Stay by Tooji VS I Feed You My Love by Margaret Berger
I felt like a mother being forced to choose which of her children she loves more with this one (which in my mother’s case is an easy decision. My brother just doesn’t measure up) but the decision has been made. My obsession with Stay has faded a little since it won NMGP, but I have to stay loyal to it, since it was my favourite entry of 2012 and I spent so many hours trying to comprehend it losing the final. I still love ya, Margs.
Slovenia’s Verjamem by Eva Boto VS Straight Into Love by Hannah
An atmospheric ballad like Verjamem was a very Serbia-like thing for Slovenia to come out with, which makes sense since one of its composers also composed Molitva. Despite the similarities, I think it had its individual charms, and it’s certainly got more drama than Straight Into Love.
Ukraine’s Be My Guest by Gaitana VS Gravity by Zlata Ognevich
Ukraine rarely fails to impress me. They just ‘get’ Eurovision, and they always send a top-notch artist who can belt one out (or more, if required). Zlata may be the Queen of Belters, and although Gravity lacks the quirky fun factor of her last attempt to represent her country, The Kukushka, it’s a definite contender for victory. I will be very surprised if it doesn’t considerably improve on Gaitana’s result.
The UK’s Love Will Set You Free by Engelbert Humperdinck VS Believe In Me by Bonnie Tyler
Another year, another big name from the UK with a slightly too old-fashioned ballad. Still, at least they’re going younger. At this rate we should get an entrant under the age of 30 by 2025. But let’s not be ageist, not when this year’s song is a lot better than the last. It is to me, anyway – I tried to love Love Will Set You Free, but eventually the charade became too much and I had to call it quits. Believe In Me is more current and a lot catchier, and after a couple of listens I was willing to wave a Union Jack with genuine enthusiasm.
So that’s that; but what exactly does ‘that’ tell you? Well, the overall result of the duels is as follows:
58% of my winners came from 2012
42% of my winners came from 2013
If those numbers are any indication, the standard of 2012 was higher than the standard of 2013 in my book, though not by a massive margin.
Now it’s your turn to battle. I want to know if you totally agree with me, partly agree with me…or think I’m bonkers with a side serving of very poor judgment when it comes to the above duels. Which songs would be your winners?
Just as the national final season is a great way of discovering new music, so too is Eurovision a great way of discovering new artists – artists that appeal to your taste.
For example, think back to 2006, when Lordi won the contest with an epic rock song about angels and lambs and stuff (hardcore!). Hard Rock Hallelujah is one of my all-time favourite winners, but I knew I wasn’t likely to be interested in what the band had produced before and after it. On the other hand, there was a Russian guy with a mullet named Dima Bilan, who I fell in love with (not physically…I did just mention that mullet, didn’t I? I mean musically) and so spent the next six years squealing girlishly every time his name was mentioned, especially in relation to the ESC.
My point is, this year’s contest was no different. I’ve come away with the intention of acquainting myself with a bunch of artists I’d never heard of six months ago. Now that I’ve got a bit of time to do that, I plan to. So here is my list of the performers who impressed me in Baku, at least enough to make me search for their albums on iTunes and consider giving them a listen.
NB – Obviously, I’ve excluded anyone I was familiar with prior to the 2012 season, so please don’t abuse me for leaving out Loreen or Željko or Anybody Else.
There are few things I love more than catchy, summery, ethnic pop music, and I hear that’s Mandinga’s specialty. I am slightly perturbed by the fact that the graphic of Elena on the cover of their latest album looks nothing like her, but as that has nothing to do with their music and my potential future enjoyment of it, I’ll push it aside. I wonder if you can hear the moonwalking bagpiper in any of the tracks (hear him moonwalking, that is, not bagpiping).
Ivi’s not the best live vocalist, but she sounds great in studio, and as her preferred genre fits in nicely with what I usually listen to (outside of Eurovision-land – when I’m inside, I listen to everything) I’m excited to rifle through her back catalogue. I did listen to one of her hits, Crashing Down, back when she was announced as Cyprus’ representative, and I gave that douze points.
Quedate Conmigo was basically a three-minute showcase for Pastora’s uh-mazing voice, so I’m eager to see how she works with less epic material. This woman has been around for a while, so attempting to listen to everything she’s ever done could take me until Eurovision 2060, but I’ll give it a try.
I can’t deny that one of the best parts of Ott’s performance in Baku was him being there and me getting to stare at him because of that. But he is genuinely talented, something I managed to notice on those occasions when I tore my eyes away from his wonderful eyebrows. I love a bit of piano ballad-ness and I love listening to Estonian, so further exploring Ott’s repertoire should be disappointment-free.
These guys were doing electro-rock-pop way before Katy Perry tried it out, so whilst they may not look as good in latex leotards as she does, I’m guessing they’ve got the edge when it comes to the sound.
Judging by her San Remo entry Per Sempre and her Eurovision song, I’m expecting a hybrid of classic chanteusery and retro sassiness from Nina. Italian really is one of the most musical languages, so my hopes are high.
Can’s latest album begs to be heard – the title translates as ‘lunatic’. Who wouldn’t want to investigate that further? It’s the kind of album title I’d expect from Rambo Amadeus, but in this case I’ll be listening voluntarily.
Apparently Rona’s genre of choice is experimental jazz, a departure from Suus and not my thing in the least. But I’ve got to see (or rather, hear) what else she can do with that ridiculous voice of hers. I’m beginning to think that her dreadlocks hold some sort of mystical powers that make her sing like nobody’s business. That would explain why she had to wrap one around her neck…
I’m assuming that back in 2010, these guys hadn’t disco-fied their music to death. If so, their debut album should be worth a spin. If not, well, I could get used to wearing flares and leathers when I’m listening.
She may be one of those people who make me feel inadequate and talentless, but her adequateness and talent drew me to her at Eurovision (as did her hat-and-shoulderpads combo. I must visit a costume store and find me one of those). It will be a relief to answer that eternal question: what happens when a busker gets a record deal?
Which artists were your favourite discoveries this year?
Bonjour! I hope you remember me after the week or so I didn’t manage to post (I had to actually prioritise study over Eurovision for the first time, and it was very traumatic). Now I am free as a bird – a bird with a bachelor degree, that is. Insert Applause Here. Anyway, that means it’s back to business, and the business of the week was the release of the 2012 split results, at long last. As usual, the splits showed some very interesting inconsistencies, as well as some very boring, very expected placements. For those of you who haven’t checked them out, and for those of you who have but want to/are being forced to again, here are the results for the semis and the final, accompanied by a little analysis. Enjoy (even if you’re one of the people being forced to read this. In that case I COMMAND you to enjoy).
Semi final 1
- After the first semi it was revealed that one country only made the final thanks to the juries, and another only because of the televoters. We all thought those two countries were Albania and Russia, when in fact Rona and the grannies topped the jury and televoter lists respectively, and ranked decently vice versa. It seems to me that it was Hungary and Iceland who were lucky to make it. If things had been a little bit different, Israel and Switzerland may have advanced instead.
- Only two countries were ranked on the same level – Finland and Austria. Amazingly, neither party disliked San Marino enough to place them last. I guess the juries found some musical integrity in The Social Network Song (presumably outside of ‘so you wanna make love with me?’ Actually, outside of all the lyrics).
- I was surprised to see Moldova and Greece ranked higher by the juries than the televoters. I guess the days of over-the-hill, fuddy duddy jurors are gone. Either that, or they’re all sleazy old men who really wanted Eleftheria’s aphrodisiac.
- If the televotes here prove anything, it’s that the public aren’t that interested in sexy sex. Neither Iris’ see-through dress (unintentional, I’m sure) or Trackshittaz’ pole dancers made them want to pick up their phones. Then again, they did vote the grannies first, and they are hot stuff.
Semi final 2
|6||Bosnia & Herzegovina||Norway|
|7||Croatia||Bosnia & Herzegovina|
- There were a few countries that the Js and Ts completely disagreed on, which allowed a few low-rankers to squeeze in to the final. The juries favoured Croatia (yay!) and Georgia (hmm…) over eventual qualifiers Turkey and Norway, which I suppose is understandable – Love Me Back and Stay were very much fan-geared entries. It was thanks to the viewers at home that Norway advanced.
- As for those peeps at home, well, they would have preferred to see Bulgaria and the Netherlands in the final over Malta, and, unbelievably, Ukraine. That has to be a teensy victory for two countries who kind of suck at Eurovision (don’t be offended. The same could’ve been said about Germany a few years ago).
- Speaking of Ukraine, does anyone else find it strange that Be My Guest rated so low with the televoters and so highly with the juries? You’d think it would have been the other way round. I know what I said earlier about the juries being hip and cool these days (unlike myself, since I just used the term ‘hip and cool’) but this still strikes me as odd.
- Congratulations to Sweden, who won the jury vote, and Sweden, who won the televote. I did NOT see that coming.
|15||Bosnia & Herzegovina||Cyprus|
|16||Malta||Bosnia & Herzegovina|
- The differences between the jury top 10 and the televote top 10 are much more drastic here. The people at home got their gold, silver and bronze preferences just as they wanted, but it was the juries who got their way for the most part. 8 of their top picks made the final top 10.
- If you were in any doubt over Sweden’s victory, here is proof that it was deserved. Unlike in 2011, when Italy topped the jury vote, the decision was unanimous in 2012. Apparently Loreen choking on her fake snow during the jury final didn’t affect the marks they gave her. For all we know, it made her voice huskier and they liked it.
- It was well and truly a public success for Turkey. Can may have come out with 7th place and been ranked 4th with the viewers, but the juries were not impressed by his stripes or sailboats. Or his song, come to think of it.
- Again, Ukraine’s placement confuses me, as does the UK’s. We could put Engelbert’s higher placing with the public down to his widespread fanbase, but I still don’t get why he was placed last with the juries.
- Italy and Spain were saved by the juries, and in Spain’s case, I thank them for it. Muchas gracias! I can’t help but wonder if the televoters are a bit dead inside not to have been moved by Pastora Soler’s performance, but I suppose I’m biased. And very emotional during the Eurovision season.
- Lithuania, Iceland and Norway were the only countries (besides Sweden) to be ranked equally, in 14th, 19th and 24th places. Unfortunately, due to the disparity between the lowest-placed songs, this still meant a last place for Norway.
- Some of the major differences: Italy (J 4th/T 17th), Spain (J 5th/T 18th), Ukraine (J 7th/T 20th), France (J 13th/T 26th), Greece (J 18th/T 9th), Romania (J 20th/T 7th) and Ireland (J 25th/T 10th). Turkey made the biggest jump, as mentioned, from 22nd place to 4th.
The release of the splits was really the final stepping stone to the 2013 contest, which is now hovering between Malmö and Stockholm (I suspect the capital will prevail…though I did say that last year too). Developments are already underway, which is understandable given there’s less than a year to go. In the meantime, we have JESC to look forward to, so long as it isn’t cancelled due to low participation numbers – but more on that later.
Until next time…
It’s been three weeks since Sweden won Eurovision 2012, and even though we’ve stopped using the word ‘euphoria’ to create lame puns and such, the EBU has still not released the split results, goshdarn them. There’s been a lot of individual country results trickling out on the internet, but nothing complete. Apart from annoying me (I am not a patient person) this has messed me around a bit on the blog front since I had planned a split analysis, which I should be doing now. Without anything to analyse, I’m scraping the bottom of the Baku barrel for something to write about.
Having said that, my mysterious and thrilling title (cough) does not lie – I do have a revelation to reveal. And here it is: Norway didn’t actually lose the contest this year. I don’t know if that has already occurred to you, but as president of the “Tooji is Amazeballs” fan club, the it was quick to occur to me, and I was planning on tweeting the fact to Tooji himself to make him feel better, but I figured he was probably over the whole thing by now.
Basically, we all know what happened in the final, point-wise. Namely, this:
- Sweden – 372
- Russia – 259
- Serbia – 214
- Azerbaijan – 150
- Albania – 146
- Estonia – 120
- Turkey – 112
- Germany – 110
- Italy – 101
- Spain – 97
- Moldova – 81
- Romania – 71
- Macedonia – 71
- Lithuania – 70
- Ukraine – 65
- Cyprus – 65
- Greece – 64
- Bosnia & Herzegovina – 55
- Ireland – 46
- Iceland – 46
- Malta – 41
- France – 21
- Denmark – 21
- Hungary – 19
- United Kingdom – 12
- Norway – 7
Yes, Sweden nearly beat Rybak’s record, and got the highest amount of douze points in history, blah blah blah. We all know that. But what about the semis? Unlike Norway, there were 16 countries who didn’t even make it to Saturday night, so technically they were all beaten by the Tooj. Now, for your convenience and possible interest, I have combined those 16 and ranked them by the points they accrued* in order to figure out who actually finished last – and who still has bragging rights in saying they came 30th, or whatever.
Let’s start with the 27th– 35th placed countries.
* FYI, the countries from semi 1 are in red, and those from semi 2 are in blue. Also, if there were equal scores, I have ranked them according to who received more high scores. You know, in the slightly dodgy EBU way.
- Bulgaria – 45
- Switzerland – 45
- Croatia – 42
- Finland – 41
- Portugal – 39
- Georgia – 36
- Belarus – 35
- Netherlands – 35
- Israel – 33
Bulgaria and Switzerland were the two countries that just missed out, which in way, must be more irritating for them than if they had lost.
Bulgaria not only got the same point total as Norway – failing to qualify because Love Unlimited didn’t get any lots of 8 points – but as Switzerland too. Sofi placed above Sinplus (IMO) because she got a 10 and a triple 6, whereas the Broggini brothers got a triple 8, and a 7 – but feel free to swap them around if it’ll help you sleep at night.
As you can see, there’s a block of higher-ranked songs from semi 2 here, which proves once again which semi was the strongest. Georgia’s 32nd placing is officially their worst ever, considering they’d qualified on every participation in the past. I can’t say I feel sad for them, although I do still want to strangle whoever decided to give Anri Jokhadze a rhyming dictionary for Christmas.
Belarus and the Netherlands also share a point total, but this time the division is clearer – Litesound managed to score a douze and an 8, whereas Joan was left with an 8 and a double 7. If you’d ever wondered what people prefer to look at – chainmail and leather or feathers – wonder no more.
Now we come to the countries ranked 36th– 39th:
- Slovenia – 31
- San Marino – 31
- Slovakia – 22
- Montenegro – 20
Poor Slovenia, who most of us had pegged to qualify, finished in a dismal unfortunate 36th place (I don’t want to destroy a teenage girl’s hopes and dreams any more than they’ve already been destroyed), just out-scoring San Marino with a 10 and an 8. Speaking of San Marino – well, they’re not going to be saying ‘uh-oh’ about 37th with 31 points, because it’s one of their best results EVER. That’s not as spectacular as it sounds, but it’s something Valentina Monetta will probably include in her status updates on Facebook…er, I mean, that social network, for the rest of her life.
Amazingly, Montenegro kept themselves out of the bottom three, possibly by borrowing Anri’s dictionary (choosing words with more syllables). Here are the unlucky trio who couldn’t be saved by Eurovision-themed lyrics, see-through dresses or pole dancers (apparently sex does not sell at the ESC).
- Latvia – 17
- Belgium – 16
- Austria – 8
So, when we’re talking about points, it was Austria’s popo-shaking duo Trackshittaz who came dead last this year. Congrats, boys!
I guess it’s apt that a song all about rear ends came bottom. We should have seen it coming – I mean, didn’t Loreen tell us she was going up-up-up-up-up-uuuuuppp? Then again, We Are the Winners didn’t turn out to be gospel back in Athens. I guess you never really know what’s going to happen in this competition. Isn’t that part of the fun?
NEXT TIME: If we finally get a looksee at the split results, I’ll be picking my way through them so you don’t have to. Otherwise…well, you’ll just have to wait and see.
Welcome, et cetera.
You know the drill. This is Vol. II of my annual awards, during the reading of which you may laugh, you may cry, or you may stop reading this blog because you’ll realise you’re sick of me. Enjoy!
Best Vocal Performance (Male)
If you have a pair of functioning ears, you cannot accuse me of being biased on this one because I have a preexisting love for Lepland. His voice would be perfection even if he was Freddy Kruger’s uglier brother.
Best Vocal Performance (Female)
Again, if you have any taste at all, you can’t tell me that my love for Pastora gave her an unfair advantage in the race to win this coveted award. She nailed her vocal at every opportunity, handling the light and shade of her song with ease. And she made me cry, which has never happened before during Eurovision (except for 2010 when Croatia didn’t qualify, and that was with horror/disbelief, not pure emotion).
Artist Most Carried by Their Backing Singers
If I meant physically carried, Ivi would win hands down, but I’m talking vocally. The Greek delegation did a decent job of disguising Eleftheria’s ropey singing abilities, but not decent enough to stop us from noticing them singing every single word along with her. No offence, but how on Earth did this woman make it onto The X Factor?
The Toilet Breaker Award for the Most Boring Performance
Bosnia & Herzegovina
I didn’t actually use Iris’ three minutes to use the bathroom, but I still can’t remember anything about her performance except a) that her dress was a tad too see-through and b) that it was boring, which I will admit suited the song well. You’re no Tom Dice, Iris – you can’t just stand there and sing and look adorable and know that you’ll get a ton of votes (I’m not sure he knew that either, but that’s how it was).
Best Use of Instruments
Bosnia & Herzegovina
In 2010, it was the Epic Sax Guy. In 2012, it was the Moonwalking Bagpiper who, well, moonwalked his way into (semi) popular culture by kickstarting Romania’s performance of Zaleilah. The MB, combined with the other instrumental members of Mandinga, put on a show that deserves serious praise.
PS – I’d like to make special mention of Tony, the 7th member of the band who could not appear on stage in line with the famed six-person rule, and who probably spent the semi and the final crying in a corner with Russian granny #7 and #8. We love you, Tony!
A blindfold for blind love, and a water fountain for Waterline; this sure was a year of literal props. Ireland’s was the most impressive for me, mainly because it left some hair gel for the other 41 artists to use (it was pointless for the Jeds to sport gravity-defying hairdos when they were only going to get soaked at 2.50 in).
Best Use of the Wind Machine
The image of Anggun standing on the stage in the outfit she borrowed from Gisela (Andorra ’08), with that hair and those bits of material flying around behind her, was quite a memorable one – it made Marilyn Monroe’s subway grate trick look positively amateur.
Best Use of Background
I realise the whole ‘majestic sky’ thing has been done (and done, and done…) but it gets repeated for a reason – because it looks freaking awesome. What kind of backdrop could be more suitable for a song called Heaven?
All-Rounder of the Year
Turkey didn’t need a hamster ball or hideous green pants to have it all. They just needed a charismatic singer who could actually sing (as strangely as Can does), pull off a pleather coat/hat combo, and command the audience’s attention. Throw in a troupe of backing dancers who can transform themselves into ships at the drop of a sequin, and you’ve got everything you need.
This award is mainly for Pasha’s support group, who wore some amazing dresses that I would love to have in my wardrobe. Still, I didn’t mind his…whatever that thing was he decided to wear. The whole look was a damn sight better than the tartan nightmare of the Moldovan final.
You cannot wear a ShamWow on your body and half of your front garden on your head and expect to get away with it. I can think of a million things Gaitana could have worn instead that wouldn’t have drawn any comparisons with household cleaning products.
Most Boring Costume
Roman went so casual, I have to wonder if his entourage told him the real thing was just another rehearsal. Some sort of deviation from the street busker look wouldn’t have gone astray on a night when 120 million people were watching.
Most X-Rated Costume
Eurovision is an all-ages gig, so this category should probably be renamed “Most Flesh on Display”. I am told however, that in the arena it was obvious MJM was suffering from a lack of belt on his pants, which resulted in some indecent exposure. I did want him to perform shirtless (I basically got my wish) but that was more than I bargained for.
The Artist Who Should’ve Packed Their NF Costume Instead
Floaty white trumps baggy black every time, unless you’re attending a funeral. Or a wedding for that matter – upstaging the bride is a rather large no-no. Anyway, Nina’s decision to wear a rubbish bag was a bad one.
Hairdo of the Year
It’s safe to say there was no hairstyle quite like Rona’s elsewhere in Baku. Her orb of dreadlocks also wins her the EBJ awards for Heaviest Hairdo and Best Inclusion of Hair Into a Costume.
I Can’t Believe You Didn’t Qualify!
There weren’t a lot of shocks in terms of qualifiers this year, but Slovenia’s failure to make the final did catch me off guard. Not only did Eva miss out, but she missed out by a mile, ending her semi in 17th place.
I Can’t Believe You DID Qualify!
For the second year in a row, Lithuania shocked me by advancing, only this time I was happy about it. It will be interesting to see whether the juries, the viewers or a combination of both allowed Donny a Saturday ticket.
Most Destined to Qualify
Had Loreen not qualified, it would have been THE jaw-dropper moment of 2012. It would have made it slightly harder for her to win, too…
Least Destined to Qualify
No way, José. See, I can rhyme too, Rambo!
Most Deserved Final Result
Something as dated and clichéd as Aphrodisiac (if extremely catchy) well and truly deserved 17th place. I think Greece are now aware that they are not guaranteed a top 10 placing because they are Greece, which will hopefully lead to a more original song representing them in Sweden – if they have enough money to send one by then.
Least Deserved Final Result
This is the second time in five years that my favourite song has come last in the final, the other being 2009. Back then, I could see why – Lose Control just didn’t work live. But I think Tooji’s Stay, and Tooji himself, really did. I can only assume that the juries and the voters didn’t vote for him because they liked other entries more, not Norway’s less.
That’s it, ladies and gents. The EBJAFEEs are over for another year, or at least until December when I’m thinking about holding some EBJAFJEEs (does the extra J for Junior push it over the edge?). I hope you liked them. They won’t be the last you’ll see of Baku on this blog. With the split results still to be released and my willingness to move on from this year’s contest still to be located, it’s just not time to look ahead to Amsterdam and Stockholm (read ‘Stockholm’ as ‘miscellaneous Swedish city’). I apologise.
Do you agree with my picks of the best and worst of Baku? Let me know below!