The 2012 EBJ Awards: Part 2 (Performances, Costumes & Results)
Welcome, et cetera.
You know the drill. This is Vol. II of my annual awards, during the reading of which you may laugh, you may cry, or you may stop reading this blog because you’ll realise you’re sick of me. Enjoy!
THE PERFORMANCES
Best Vocal Performance (Male)
Anri Jokhadze
Donny Montell
Ott Lepland
Pasha Parfeny
Roman Lob
Željko Joksimović
If you have a pair of functioning ears, you cannot accuse me of being biased on this one because I have a preexisting love for Lepland. His voice would be perfection even if he was Freddy Kruger’s uglier brother.
Best Vocal Performance (Female)
Eva Boto
Gaitana
Kaliopi
MayaSar
Pastora Soler
Rona Nishliu
Again, if you have any taste at all, you can’t tell me that my love for Pastora gave her an unfair advantage in the race to win this coveted award. She nailed her vocal at every opportunity, handling the light and shade of her song with ease. And she made me cry, which has never happened before during Eurovision (except for 2010 when Croatia didn’t qualify, and that was with horror/disbelief, not pure emotion).
Artist Most Carried by Their Backing Singers
Eleftheria Eleftheriou
Ivi Adamou
Jedward
If I meant physically carried, Ivi would win hands down, but I’m talking vocally. The Greek delegation did a decent job of disguising Eleftheria’s ropey singing abilities, but not decent enough to stop us from noticing them singing every single word along with her. No offence, but how on Earth did this woman make it onto The X Factor?
The Toilet Breaker Award for the Most Boring Performance
Belgium
Bosnia & Herzegovina
Finland
I didn’t actually use Iris’ three minutes to use the bathroom, but I still can’t remember anything about her performance except a) that her dress was a tad too see-through and b) that it was boring, which I will admit suited the song well. You’re no Tom Dice, Iris – you can’t just stand there and sing and look adorable and know that you’ll get a ton of votes (I’m not sure he knew that either, but that’s how it was).
Best Use of Instruments
Bosnia & Herzegovina
Denmark
Israel
The Netherlands
Romania
Serbia
In 2010, it was the Epic Sax Guy. In 2012, it was the Moonwalking Bagpiper who, well, moonwalked his way into (semi) popular culture by kickstarting Romania’s performance of Zaleilah. The MB, combined with the other instrumental members of Mandinga, put on a show that deserves serious praise.
PS – I’d like to make special mention of Tony, the 7th member of the band who could not appear on stage in line with the famed six-person rule, and who probably spent the semi and the final crying in a corner with Russian granny #7 and #8. We love you, Tony!
Best Prop/Gimmick
Azerbaijan
Cyprus
Ireland
Lithuania
Sweden
Turkey
A blindfold for blind love, and a water fountain for Waterline; this sure was a year of literal props. Ireland’s was the most impressive for me, mainly because it left some hair gel for the other 41 artists to use (it was pointless for the Jeds to sport gravity-defying hairdos when they were only going to get soaked at 2.50 in).
Best Use of the Wind Machine
France
Iceland
Spain
Sweden
The image of Anggun standing on the stage in the outfit she borrowed from Gisela (Andorra ’08), with that hair and those bits of material flying around behind her, was quite a memorable one – it made Marilyn Monroe’s subway grate trick look positively amateur.
Best Use of Background
Croatia
Estonia
Israel
Lithuania
United Kingdom
I realise the whole ‘majestic sky’ thing has been done (and done, and done…) but it gets repeated for a reason – because it looks freaking awesome. What kind of backdrop could be more suitable for a song called Heaven?
All-Rounder of the Year
Cyprus
Ireland
Lithuania
Norway
Switzerland
Turkey
Turkey didn’t need a hamster ball or hideous green pants to have it all. They just needed a charismatic singer who could actually sing (as strangely as Can does), pull off a pleather coat/hat combo, and command the audience’s attention. Throw in a troupe of backing dancers who can transform themselves into ships at the drop of a sequin, and you’ve got everything you need.
THE COSTUMES
Best Dressed
Albania
Cyprus
Denmark
Moldova
Spain
Turkey
This award is mainly for Pasha’s support group, who wore some amazing dresses that I would love to have in my wardrobe. Still, I didn’t mind his…whatever that thing was he decided to wear. The whole look was a damn sight better than the tartan nightmare of the Moldovan final.
Worst Dressed
Belarus
Croatia
San Marino
Ukraine
You cannot wear a ShamWow on your body and half of your front garden on your head and expect to get away with it. I can think of a million things Gaitana could have worn instead that wouldn’t have drawn any comparisons with household cleaning products.
Most Boring Costume
Germany
Macedonia
Montenegro
Roman went so casual, I have to wonder if his entourage told him the real thing was just another rehearsal. Some sort of deviation from the street busker look wouldn’t have gone astray on a night when 120 million people were watching.
Most X-Rated Costume
France
Greece
Slovakia
Eurovision is an all-ages gig, so this category should probably be renamed “Most Flesh on Display”. I am told however, that in the arena it was obvious MJM was suffering from a lack of belt on his pants, which resulted in some indecent exposure. I did want him to perform shirtless (I basically got my wish) but that was more than I bargained for.
The Artist Who Should’ve Packed Their NF Costume Instead
Croatia
Estonia
Finland
Ukraine
Floaty white trumps baggy black every time, unless you’re attending a funeral. Or a wedding for that matter – upstaging the bride is a rather large no-no. Anyway, Nina’s decision to wear a rubbish bag was a bad one.
Hairdo of the Year
Albania
Ireland
Italy
It’s safe to say there was no hairstyle quite like Rona’s elsewhere in Baku. Her orb of dreadlocks also wins her the EBJ awards for Heaviest Hairdo and Best Inclusion of Hair Into a Costume.
THE RESULTS
I Can’t Believe You Didn’t Qualify!
Slovenia
Switzerland
There weren’t a lot of shocks in terms of qualifiers this year, but Slovenia’s failure to make the final did catch me off guard. Not only did Eva miss out, but she missed out by a mile, ending her semi in 17th place.
I Can’t Believe You DID Qualify!
Albania
Lithuania
Malta
For the second year in a row, Lithuania shocked me by advancing, only this time I was happy about it. It will be interesting to see whether the juries, the viewers or a combination of both allowed Donny a Saturday ticket.
Most Destined to Qualify
Greece
Norway
Romania
Russia
Serbia
Sweden
Had Loreen not qualified, it would have been THE jaw-dropper moment of 2012. It would have made it slightly harder for her to win, too…
Least Destined to Qualify
Belgium
Montenegro
Portugal
San Marino
No way, José. See, I can rhyme too, Rambo!
Most Deserved Final Result
Albania
Germany
Greece
Serbia
Sweden
Something as dated and clichéd as Aphrodisiac (if extremely catchy) well and truly deserved 17th place. I think Greece are now aware that they are not guaranteed a top 10 placing because they are Greece, which will hopefully lead to a more original song representing them in Sweden – if they have enough money to send one by then.
Least Deserved Final Result
Azerbaijan
Iceland
Norway
Russia
This is the second time in five years that my favourite song has come last in the final, the other being 2009. Back then, I could see why – Lose Control just didn’t work live. But I think Tooji’s Stay, and Tooji himself, really did. I can only assume that the juries and the voters didn’t vote for him because they liked other entries more, not Norway’s less.
That’s it, ladies and gents. The EBJAFEEs are over for another year, or at least until December when I’m thinking about holding some EBJAFJEEs (does the extra J for Junior push it over the edge?). I hope you liked them. They won’t be the last you’ll see of Baku on this blog. With the split results still to be released and my willingness to move on from this year’s contest still to be located, it’s just not time to look ahead to Amsterdam and Stockholm (read ‘Stockholm’ as ‘miscellaneous Swedish city’). I apologise.
Do you agree with my picks of the best and worst of Baku? Let me know below!
eurovisionbyjaz.com 
13 Responses to “The 2012 EBJ Awards: Part 2 (Performances, Costumes & Results)”
Turkey’s man boat is the most epic thing ever on Eurovision, ever. They do masculinity differently in that part of the world :-)! Great award ideas!
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“Man boat” … LOL. It was very impressive, and at least it was relevant to the song unlike last year’s prop of choice. Apparently Yuksek’s idea of living it up involved being stuck in a giant hamster ball. Whatever floats your (man) boat.
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Hahahaha! I think the woman in the ball was suppose to be a phoenix, a failed attempt. I loved their outfits though. Never seen that shade of green and black on a man, before, ever!
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A phoenix..okay. I still don’t see how that was relevant!
You’ve got to love green pants (except for Ines’ from 2000…there’s only one way to say what was going on there…CAMEL TOE!)
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Hahahahaha! Everyone loves a Camel toe! XD
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hehe..i know its technically not a yr till the next one 🙂 (thank bloody goodness!)
yes i was surprised at the lack of support of norway but their own neighbours too – it seemed pretty odd.
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We should start the countdown now! I have one going on JESC.
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I really enjoyed that. You made me laugh and for a few minutes I forgot all about how depressed I am because its another year till next Eurovision 😦
I think its no secret for me that for Best Vocal Performance (Male) I pick Željko Joksimović!!
Totally with you on Best Vocal Performance (Female) – she was just incredible and All-Rounder of the Year – I like it, i cant help myself!
For me Least deserved final result is a tie with Norway and Iceland. I just dont get it with either song? Stay was a great song that I have been liking since it was selected to represent Norway and lets just say there are a lot worse things to look at than Tooji (fans self) and lets be honest he was a darnsight better performer than Eleftheria Eleftheriou! And Iceland 😦 well it was so dramatic in word and music – I guess this will be one of those mysteries never to be solved??
According to a 9 and 7 yr old, Jedward is the best (oh my poor ears) following closely by Can Bonomo (I encourage this over the other 2 :P) and Rambo Amadeus (I knew the older one loved Jedward from last year but they surprised the heck out of me by liking Euro Neuro!)
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agree with Željko (: but yeeeeah. you know me ._. =D
all other things are the same in my opinion (:
but I have to say that I liked Greece. I mean okeeee her voice wasn’t that good but she looked awesome & her dancing was also good =) ! I love this kind of music and liked to hear it in this ballad year.
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well i guess u got a point there, she has a pair of legs i would die for.
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You mean…you like Zeljko?? I hadn’t noticed!! =p
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yuuup *-* this legs. o-m-g.
=D hahaha eh.. yes i… ehm like him.
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Will you be even less depressed if I remind you that there’s actually less than a year??
I totally agree re: Norway (and Iceland, but mainly Norway because I love Tooji so much). He sung Eleftheria under the table IMO, even though he isn’t the strongest vocalist. The performance was great, the song kicks butt…ah, I don’t know. I didn’t think Switzerland deserved to come last in 2011. I guess it’s just a case of other songs grabbing attention more…although Norway didn’t even get much support from their neighbours, unlike Greece/Cyprus, Portugal/Spain etc as usual, in spite of the jury influence.
At least Rambo has two fans out there!
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