The 2013 EBJ Awards for Eurovision Excellence | Part 2 (Performances, Costumes & Results)

Hello there! Yes, I’m still alive (just like TWiiNS). It feels like it’s been ages since the first half of my EBJAEEs, which is probably because it has. I’m not even sure I can get away with posting exclusively about Malmö anymore, since a) the official DVD has already been released, and b) the first artist of 2014 has already been selected (Valentina Monetta again, AGAIN. San Marino obviously believe that ‘third time lucky’ is a thing). I’m sure somebody will let me know if I’m sooo six weeks ago or not.

In the meantime, allow me to present to you the second and final installment of my awards ceremony for 2013. This time, as you may have read in the title, they’re all about the performances, costumes and results that made an impact in Sweden. This includes the award for the All-Rounder of the Year, which (I hope) y’all voted for a little while back. Now you can find out if your favourite won the poll. It certainly wasn’t mine *mutters bitterly*.

So there’s that, and a whole lot more to check out in this slightly bigger episode. Have a looksee, and as always, comment me your agreements and disagreements. I love to hear either, although a ‘My gosh, you are 110% correct on every level and may I also say how nice you look today?’ every now and then is an earner of brownie points.

Ahem. On with le awards.

ebjees

The Performances  

t1

Cezar

Eythor Ingi

Gor Sujyan

Nodi Tatishvili

Klapa s Mora

Robin Stjernberg

 

I need to have a box of tissues handy whenever I hear these guys sing, live or in studio, so I can’t imagine what would happen if I ever heard them in real life. Those harmonies mist me up good. I don’t think it’s Mižerja’s fault, since KsM could perform an a cappella arrangement of Ice Ice Baby and I’d still be blubbering into a super-sized Kleenex. It must be the vocals. Ugh, I’m tearing up just thinking about them.

 

t2

Aliona Moon

Amandine Bourgeois

Anouk

Dina Garipova

Moran Mazor

Sophie Gelovani

Zlata Ognevich

 

If a breathtakingly (literally) tight dress is what it takes for Moran to deliver the type of vocal she did during Kdam and Eurovision, then I say go on cutting off your air supply, you pitch-perfect Israeli songbird! Not to her face, obviously, since she’s not within addressing distance. But that’s what I would say, because that voice is incredible.

 

 t3

Cyprus

Estonia

Georgia

Lithuania

Switzerland

 

DISCLAIMER: I did not actually get up from my couch and go for a toilet break during any of these performances. I would never do such a thing, because I always like to think a boring act could be livened up at some point – for example, with a giant piñata that is lowered from the ceiling and beaten by the artist/s until streamers and confectionery rain down on the thrilled and slightly confused audience.

Unfortunately, there were no giant piñatas incorporated into any of the above performances, to their detriment. Switzerland in particular bored me to tears (and not Klapa s Mora emotion-filled tears). With a 95-year-old forming part of their group, I didn’t expect acrobatics or anything from Takasa, but some use of the stage space would have been nice.

Eurovision performance or karaoke at the office Christmas party?

Eurovision performance or karaoke at the office Christmas party?

 

 t4

Albania

Bulgaria

Denmark

Greece

Malta

 

Greece is no stranger to making schweet props out of onstage instruments (Giorgos Alkaios, hello?). This year, they again lit up the stage with their musical weapons of choice, and though it wasn’t quite as effective as it was in Oslo, it added another element of interest and fun (take note, Switzerland) to an already fun-filled performance. The lights also distracted us from the fact that the instruments weren’t actually being played, which is handy.

 

 t5

Albania

Azerbaijan

Belarus

Moldova

San Marino

Ukraine

 

Whose idea was it to put the man in the box? I want to give them the world’s most enthusiastic pat on the back for coming up with that. It was a pretty simple concept, but so effective, and then it switched to super-drama mode with the lady in red and the rose petals (I hope man-in-box never did a Loreen and choked on one). I salute you, staging…arrangement…person.

 

 t6

Estonia

Georgia

San Marino

 

There was really no better way for the disco ending of Crisalide to kick in than with the simultaneous switch-on of everybody’s favourite wind machine. Sure, we all saw it coming from a continent away – but admit it, you’d have been disappointed if Valentina hadn’t been given any wind for her sails.

 

t7

Azerbaijan

Moldova

Romania

Slovenia

Sweden

 

When I say ‘choreography’, I mean dancing and/or anything else the artists and backup peeps did on stage during their three minutes. Hence I have to give this award to Azerbaijan, for the mirrored movement between Farid and his box friend, and the sliding of Farid down the box, and the running of the red lady followed by her massive train…for all of it really.

Farid and his lady in red argue over who gets to take the box home and use it as an aquarium

Farid and his lady in red argue over who gets to take the box home and use it as an aquarium

 

 t8

Finland

Hungary

Ireland

Malta

Moldova

Netherlands

 

Describe Tomorrow in two words. Done? I bet you said cutesy and whimsical, and if you didn’t then just play along. So, cutesy and whimsical was the order of the day for Malta, and those adjectives were well and truly echoed in the adorable lyrics-on-screen they gave us to back up Gianluca. The colour scheme and variety of fonts was simple but perfectly suited. More than a few countries elected to stick their song lyrics in the background, but Malta did it best.

 

t9

Belarus

Finland

Romania

Ukraine

 

As if It’s My Life wasn’t OTT enough on its own, somebody in the Romanian delegation thought to themselves, ‘you know what we need? A sparkly man-dress with a plunging neckline. And a humongous red sheet. And a bunch of dancers. OH, and a hydraulic platform. Yeah. That’s what we need.’ And then proceeded to share those thoughts with the rest of the delegation who all thought it was a spiffing idea. I’m not so sure, but let’s face it – there’s no point in going subtle for a song like this.

 

 t91

Azerbaijan

Denmark

Greece

Moldova

Norway

Ukraine

 

Thanks to everyone who voted in this poll of yesteryear. The most-voted for turned out to be  Norway, a country that tickled the majority of your fancies with their top-notch act. It was a close one, but Margaret’s strong vocal, the moody lighting in contrast to her costume, and the stage movement make the Norwegians the All-Rounders of 2013.

FYI, the full poll results were: Norway 25%, Moldova 23%, Denmark 21%, Ukraine 14%, Greece 9%, Azerbaijan 7%. I used my vote for Azerbaijan, so that was a waste of time.

'Bow down to me, Margaret...the all-rounder of the year!'

‘Bow down to me, Margaret…the all-rounder of the year!’

 

The Costumes

 t92

Aliona Moon

Hannah Mancini

Klapa s Mora

Margaret Berger

Who See

 

Head-to-toe sprayed-on leather? Check. Shiny metal accessories? Check. Fierce shoes that I will lust after for months? Double check. Hannah had it going on during semi final one. Unfortunately, dressing like a champion no more helps you get into the final than dressing like an extra from ‘Willy Wonka: The Musical’. Speaking of which…

 

t93

Cezar

Lozano & Esma

Moje 3

Moran Mazor

 

They won the Barbara Dex Award for a damn good reason, Moje 3 did. I hope the designer of their nonsensical, childish, polka-dotted and pearl-covered monstrosities has been locked up in Fashion Prison, if there is such a thing. If there isn’t, the Serbian government should build one just for her. I have never seen clothing that so aptly begs the question, ‘what were they THINKING?’.

'For the last time, Nevena, I had nothing to do with these outfits!'

‘For the last time, Nevena, I had nothing to do with these outfits!’

 

t94

Andrius Pojavis

Dorians

Takasa

 

Then again, at least bad costumes get people talking. I doubt anyone has devoted more than a few lines of typing space, if that, to the white shirts and ties of Takasa. I give a lacklustre point to the sporadic red accents, and then cancel it out because a bunch of people who wear school uniforms to Eurovision (excepting Daz Sampson’s backup dancers – at least they made sense) don’t deserve points. Even if they were a bit lost after their Salvation Army uniforms were banned from the contest.

 

t95

Alyona Lanskaya

Koza Mostra

Moran Mazor

 

If you’re wondering about Koza Mostra, let me just say: you can never be sure what is or isn’t under a kilt. But that’s irrelevant, because Moran is the winner of this award. That dress of hers left nothing to the imagination, unless you count all of us having to imagine how she got into it in the first place. My money’s on Lycra-in-a-spray-can.

 

t96

Moje 3

 

I couldn’t think of any other artist/s that made a more monumental stuff-up than Nevena, Sara and Mirna in the journey from national final to Eurovision itself. Of course, we all blame the aforementioned designer for creating them in the first place, but I personally have it in for anyone who vetoed the original devil/angel outfits. Sure, they were a little tacky, but they worked with the song, not against it in some bizarre battle of WTF.

 

t97

Adrian Lulguraj

Aliona Moon

Marco Mengoni

Margaret Berger

 

In a year without Jedward, I wasn’t sure there’d be any nominees for this award. But a bunch of hairstylists who were told ‘you can’t do THAT with hairspray!’ and took it as a challenge came along and saved the day. Aliona’s look was less…sideways than it had been at the Moldovan final, but was impressive and interesting nonetheless. It’s the norm for powerhouse female singers with powerhouse ballads to be given a cursory swipe with a curling iron and nothing more, so I appreciate the extra effort.

'This may look good, but the 10 459 hairpins holding it in place aren't much fun, let me tell you.'

‘This may look good, but the 10 459 hairpins holding it in place aren’t much fun, let me tell you.’

 

The Results

t98

Croatia

Israel

San Marino

Serbia

 

I thought San Marino had qualification in the bedazzled bag this year. It was going to happen, and it was going to be amazing. Valentina, the comeback queen, reinvented, was going to compensate for 2012 in a big way. Then…bah-bow. Nothing. No San Marino in the magic envelopes (as they were). Granted, Val came close, finishing 11th in her semi. But it wasn’t close enough, dammit. I guess her third time could be the charm.

 

t99

Armenia

Belgium

Iceland

Lithuania

 

Now, a surprise I can be happy about. I was never that gone on Tom Dice/Me And My Guitar, so when I found myself attending regular meetings of the Roberto Bellarosa and Love Kills Appreciation Society, it was the first time in a long time I’d been enthusiastic about Belgium’s participation. I’m not stupid though, and I knew they didn’t have a hope in heck of qualifying.

Oh god. I AM stupid!

 

t991

Azerbaijan

Denmark

Georgia

Greece

Russia

 

A final without Azerbaijan in it, automatically or otherwise? Puh-lease. That Junior Eurovision fail was a mere blip on an unrelated horizon. They were back and more or less ready to win for the second time in three years, although I can’t help thinking they would have qualified even if they’d come back willing to settle for mid-table.

 

t992

Albania

Bulgaria

Cyprus

Latvia

FYR Macedonia

Switzerland

 

Despina Olympiou was the Iris of 2013 – an attractive female in a nice dress, who was competently performing one of the most boring songs the world has ever known. She was never going to get far. It’s a shame considering she could out-sing Ivi Adamou any day of the week, but Eurovision ain’t no singing contest.

'An Me Thimase' should really translate to 'why did I bother.'

‘An Me Thimase’ should really translate to ‘why did I bother.’

 

 t993

Azerbaijan

Belarus

Georgia

Greece

Netherlands

 

15th, in my opinion, is around about where the all-too-similar Ell & Nikki should have ended up. It was a huge relief for Sophie & Nodi to not follow in their footsteps. As well-executed as their performance was, I found it soulless and overly choreographed.  Waterfall was just as soulless, and very clichéd. So for me, Georgia got what they deserved. They’re better than that.

 

 t994

France

Germany

Ireland

Sweden

 

Could this be the start of a new Euro-curse? Last in the running order, last place? Or am I desperately searching for an explanation as to why yet another of my favourite entries ended the evening 26th out of 26? I know I’m biased, but I genuinely don’t think Ireland deserved to lose. Ryan’s performance was stronger than Jedward’s last year in many ways, and his song was much more contemporary. Then again, that contemporary feel could have been his and Cascada’s downfall. With the Euphoria effect still present, maybe nothing could have measured up.

 

 t995

Belgium

Finland

Hungary

Malta

 

So we’ve covered the jaw-dropping moment when Belgium qualified. But now we come to the even more flabbergasting moment when they didn’t bomb out in the final, not by any means. For quite a few countries, finishing on the left side of the scoreboard alone is as good as winning, and Belgium is one. So maybe we should forget about Copenhagen and head off to Brussels instead? 12th place warrants a big celebratory party, and as we all know, Eurovision is the biggest of them all.*

Roberto was just as shocked as we were to find himself in reach of the top 10.

Roberto was just as shocked as we were to find himself in reach of the top 10.

 

* Having come out with such a cheesy line, I am now off to Russia to write their entry for the 2014 contest.

 

And we are FINITO! As far as awards go, anyway. I don’t plan on going anywhere. I do plan on getting another post out within a reasonable time period, however. Look out for it between now and Christmas…2020.

Ha ha ha.

Whenever it makes its appearance, I hope to see you then.

EBJ Signature

 

PS – Did I hand the trophies out to the right people and places? Have you got any suggestions for next year’s awards?

 

 

About Jaz

I'm Jaz, I'm 26, and I'm 110% Eurovision-OBSESSED. The contest is one big party, and I like to keep it going 365 days a year - that's why I write about anything and everything ESC on my blog. Come join the fun, and I promise you'll never have a nul-point experience! www.eurovisionbyjaz.com/

Posted on June 21, 2013, in Eurovision 2013 and tagged , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 2 Comments.

  1. Hi Jaz, good to know that you’re still alive. I’m still a bit shocked by the news from San Marino, but hey it worked for Austria so who knows. San Marino 2015? xD
    Male vocals: Yes, I absolutely agree.
    Female vocals: everyone on this list performed so flawlessly it’s really hard to pick one. But yes I agree with your choice
    If I ever represent whatever country in Eurovision I’m so doing the piñata thing 😛 (won’t happen though, I can’t sing for life) . I agree again on most boring performance. I admit that the Armenian performance bored me a bit, but never as much as the Swiss one. They could have walked around the stage at least. Yawn.
    Best use of instruments: Greece definitely, but Denmark deserves a bit of credit too for the tin whistle and the drums imo.
    Best gimmick. Agree, definitely Azerbaijan. I found the staging more interesting than the song and I’m sure I’m not the only one 😛
    Same for best choreography…but I really liked Sweden’s as well,
    I’m a bit sad with the result of the people’s choice award. I didn’t like Margaret’s dress, the backing track was aggressive and the song was dissonant. But congratulations to her 😛 I’m glad my vote helped Moldova to place 2nd.
    I didn’t like Hanna’s outfit tbh. My pick would be for Klapa s mora. Well, I wouldn’t wear that myself (maybe for a eurovision costume party) but still. I would add Emmelie, Raquel del Rosario and Zlata because I loved their dresses. They were all so pretty ❤
    Worst dressed: agree. I wish Moje 3 would have kept their nf costumes, or at least something similar to those because the ones they actually wore at ESC were a gigantic disaster.
    I’m laughing so hard at the X rated costume bit now xD
    Takasa were just boring in every aspect. Voilà.
    Agree with you on the surprising qualifiers/non qualifiers. Though I was very surprised by Israel not qualifying as well.
    I really dislike the Irish entry so I’m probably biased, but I thought they got what they deserved 😛 I’d give the award to Sweden, imo they deserved to be little higher.
    When you write the Russian entry for next year, could you please include some Russian on it? Thanks
    Hope to read you again soon..Hopefully way before Christmas 2020 xD

    Like

    • San Marino 2015 would be…interesting. A miniature 60th contest perhaps?? It’s probably asking a little too much, but if the Valentina pattern continues and next year SM make their first final it will be awesome. Side note: I found out the other day that my dad has been to San Marino. #mindblown #extremelyjealous #iknowhashtagsareuselessinthisinstance.

      I usually find the ladies bring ‘it’ (it being amaaazing vocals) more than the guys. I’m struggling to think of the last male vocal that really blew me away, but that could be because it’s one o’clock in the morning. Oh wait…Lepland. But still. Girl power, etc etc!

      You can totally do Eurovision even if you can’t sing! Just get a group of backing singers to carry you (also, they can carry the giant piñata around so you don’t have to). People do it all the time. I would beg to be one of them but I can’t sing either, so that would just be one bad voice being made 100X worse by another. Ain’t nobody got time for that.
      Then there’s always hosting or commentating, two of my secret dreams.

      Azerbaijan, staging more interesting than the song…that sounds familiar. Cough runningscared cough. I tend to agree, even though I’m a fan of Hold Me these days.

      I was surprised by the PC vote!! But I will bitchily admit that I’m happy Denmark didn’t win it (haven’t they won enough??). And now I know you voted for Moldova. It was between them and Denmark, I figured.

      YES, or should I say JA, Sweden deserved to be higher!! Still, it could have been a lot worse. And it didn’t exactly send Robin spiralling into depression, fortunately =P

      I would incorporate Russian into the Russian entry, however I want the sickeningly cheesy lyrics to be understood by as many people as possible. And I want to rhyme ‘love’ with ‘above’ and ‘together’ with ‘forever’ and so on.

      Like

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