I’m sure you all saw this coming. With a new year and a fresh batch of artists on the Eurovision grill, it was only a matter of time before someone felt compelled to reunite them with the twins they never knew they had – a.k.a. cobble together a list of people who vaguely resemble some of the latest participants.
This year (like most years) that someone is me. So if you liked all 10, 345 of my previous doppelganger posts, then perhaps you’ll be entertained by this here episode. I’ve tracked down the doubles of eleven Malmö-ites for your convenience/judgment. Please let me know below if I’ve missed any from the class of 2013!
Albania’s Bledar Sejko looks like British actor Gary Oldman (as Dracula)
And I bet you thought Cezar was the only Dracula on display in this year’s competition. Nope. Albania sent one too, albeit a less obvious, less glamorous one without a penchant for crystal-encrusted gowns with plunging v-necklines. Bledar’s a more conservative type, favouring the same flowing brunette locks and trendy eyewear Sir Oldman worked when he played the vampire to end all vampires back in 1992.
Armenia’s Gor Sujyan looks like Kevin from the Backstreet Boys
I can see it now – a telemovie starring Gor and Kevin as twins adopted out to different families, with one growing up to be a rock star (of sorts) and the other joining a boy band that becomes a phenomenon. Years later, they’re reunited…and immediately start ripping into each other about their respective musical tastes. Wouldn’t that be heartwarming? Though I must say, this backstreet boy has a way to go if he wants to attain Gor’s level of eyebrow thickness.
Azerbaijan’s Farid Mammadov looks like Friends star Matt Leblanc
I’m willing to bet my entire DIY flag collection that these guys go to the same dentist to get their teeth whitened, if nothing else. If I happen to lose that collection, I’ll still believe that Farid has more than a hint of Matt-in-the-Joey-Tribbiani-days about him. Just look at the hair, and the untamed brows, and the shape of the noses, and you’ll see it. I hope.
Belgium’s Roberto Bellarosa looks like British actor Luke Pasqualino
I don’t want to be mean and say that the above looks like a before-and-after plastic surgery comparison, but it kind of does. Roberto is adorable in his own right, so let’s just call Luke his older, more refined sibling. And then let’s celebrate, because we’ve finally found not one, but two people who look reasonable with a Justin Bieber ’09 sweep haircut.
Croatia’s Marko Škugor looks like R & B singer Mike Posner
I’d argue that Marko is the better singer, even though he doesn’t do it for a living. But apart from that, give or take an earring or two and some differing dress sense, you’re left with two men whose names start with M and who enjoy carefully crafted buzz cuts for that ‘bald, but not really bald’ look.
Denmark’s Emmelie de Forest looks like Australian actress Jacinda Barrett
Neither of them are fond of hairbrushes, we know that much. It’s a fair prediction to make that in ten to fifteen years’ time, this is what Emmelie will look like, although it’s too hard to say whether she’ll have found some shoes by then.
Estonia’s Birgit Õigemeel looks like Australian actress Kate Bell
Kate Bell in turn looks a bit like Lena, but I might save that for another post. Though I really have nothing to say about these two. Except for this: if you stand about ten metres away from your screen and cross your eyes, the resemblance is uncanny.
France’s Amandine Bourgeois looks like American muso Courtney Love
Amandine, if you’re reading this (because it’s so likely) bonjour. And I’m sorry. But I am not the first person to wonder if you and Ms Love could be one and the same. I’m sure you’re not as cavalier with illicit substances, but you’ve got to admit, your heavy use of eyeliner and blonde bed-headedness has a lot of us drawing comparisons.
Greece’s Agathonas Iakovidis looks like the Dolmio pasta sauce puppet
For anyone who’s easily offended, no, I am not implying Agathonas looks like a Muppet/puppet. I think he’s the coolest moustache-stroker around, actually. All I’m saying is that I suspect he’s been selling pasta sauce around the world for the last couple of decades. No biggie. It is a bit cheeky of him to go around demanding free alcohol when I doubt he’s had to pay for a single meal of spaghetti since 1983.
Iceland’s Eythor Ingi looks like Australian Idol winner Wes Carr
It would be all too easy to go for Thor or Jesus or that guy who delivered a pizza to my house once, so I’m pairing Eythor with a less obvious alternative. You could say that he and Wes are just two blonde dudes who happen to grow their facial hair in the same way, and you’d be right. What more does it take for people to look like each other? In fact, if I had some face fuzz (not likely, but bear with me) I reckon I could pass for Eythor’s long-lost womb-mate too.
Romania’s Cezar Ouatu looks like American actor Patrick Dempsey
Grey’s Anatomy would be a lot more entertaining if Dr. McDreamy sang diagnoses to his patients in an ear-piercingly high falsetto. Unfortunately, it’s only appearances that he and Cezar have in common. These two are literally a cheek mole away from being identical.
Sweden’s Robin Stjernberg looks like Glee star Chris Colfer
Firstly, may I make a comment about the glorious hair that you are currently admiring on both of the above parties? Thanks. WHAT HAIR! Señor Stjernberg is more impressive in that department, but Chris holds his own. I don’t believe that two people with such volume up top could have been born to different parents.
What do you think? Have all the Malmö twins been reunited, or is there more detective work to be done?
NEXT TIME: Part 1 of the 2013 EBJ Awards for Eurovision Excellence is coming your way, so you better get your tuxedoes dry-cleaned and sequined hotpants re-sequined for optimum shine. The artists and songs of Year Malmö will be fighting for many a prestigious statuette…manufactured entirely out of Clipart on my laptop at 1am. You’re invited, so I hope to see you there.